Dreams, Screams, As It Seems

I'm sore today. Wine, weather, and attacking the treadmill to exercise my panic attack demon all caught up with me. Lots of sleep. I only did a tiny bit of work, and nothing with visible money results or getting out of the house.
In my nap dream, my whole body hurt so badly I could barely move and I was trying to take a bath to loosen up my muscles but I couldn't move to turn the water off and I knew I was sleeping but I couldn't wake myself up and I was worried about what was real and what was dream because the hot water felt unquestionably hot and the cold knob on the faucet felt hard and solid and cold and my aches felt present and the water wet and with all my tactile functions and reactions intact, what did that say about my dreaming? And more importantly, what did that say about everything I do and feel when I'm "awake?" All these questions bothered me mid-dream as the hot water kept rising and I wanted out of the bathtub but couldn't get there on my own. I tried to yell "Mom!" but I couldn't break through the layers of dream. I wanted to shout something, anything, to wake myself or alert people in the conscious world so that maybe they could help me escape.

I dream this way a lot.

Possible Boy sent me a text message from the bar with a photo of the pumpkin I carved lit up sitting alongside the cash register and booze. I carved a row of various beer and booze glasses, so it makes sense back there. Possible Boy also texted me nice things. When I said I hoped our raucous adventure last night didn't dampen his day today, he said (and I quote), "Nope not at all, in fact I was smiling all day because of it."

Tomorrow is Halloween. I think Little Red Riding Hood may make her first full appearance since freshman year at Nameless Liberal Arts College's Safer Sex Night. Possible Boy and Other Girl are coming over to raid my costume box (yes I have a costume box) so that they, too, can participate in the dress-up madness. I. Love. Halloween. Alter-egos on parade. Be something you're not, or that you want to be, or that you are but you don't usually show or try not to show. My dog has a pig costume, but otherwise he'd make an excellent Big Bad Wolf. Well, Little Bad Wolf. Maybe I can steal Neighbor Guy's dog. That's a big friggin' dog.

The universe is huge.

Tonight I was going to finish some of my projects. I didn't finish one. Now it's 1:30 AM and if I don't go to sleep I'll be a zombie tomorrow even without a costume.

What ever happened to individual rocket packs and rocket boots and all that? They figured in so prominently in the 60s and 70s projections of the 21st century, but I certainly don't have one. I would love to move around in three dimensions instead of two. That's a whole other thing I've been writing in my head and will probably stick in here before too long: seeing and moving and living on limited dimensions and planes of existence.

Get ass in bed. Read until pass out. Be awesome tomorrow.

a-rest-ed

I put myself under house arrest today with the intention of cleaning. Actual cleaning done: I collapsed a few boxes and put a handful of gross things in a garbage bag. Otherwise, I spent the day watching movies and TV and knitting. But honestly, it was kind of a nice day if you ignore the whole nagging self-loathing for not being more productive. I like knitting and old detective movies and remembering why I don't miss TV. It's good to have a day off that isn't consumed by migraine.

lazing

I messed up and told Birdy something that I'd forgotten NBF wasn't planning on telling people. I'm usually such a good secret-keeper, too. I just forgot to tag it in my brain as a secret.

I am the most lazy, useless, procrastinatalicious person ever. I'm finding myself very annoying right now, but not in an inspirational get up and actually do shit sort of way. I'm blaming the cold. I'm getting much less exercise as a result of it, since the dog and I seem to be able to stand about 5 minutes outside before one or both of us insist on going in. Assuming I do actually start school next month (I had to resend my transcripts since they only hold onto them for a month without a completed application...very annoying) I need to start going to their gym. Get buff and studly. Maybe stick my dog on a treadmill, too. They'd love that.

It is Friday but it feels like a normal person's Monday since I'm about to start a bunch of crazy-busy days in a row after having a few relaxing ones. Think I can sneak in a quick nap before work? I'm certainly going to try.