Happy first night of Chanukah. My house smells like latkes. My car died, I spent many hours with James Spader (code-name James Spader, not the real one). We made lots of latkes and Aural Girl came over and there was good food and conversation and Chanukah-ness. We headed to the bar at 11 and booze and exhaustian kicked in as Aural Girl showed she was human and Possible Boy showed up with his new girl (who I actually think I like...couldn't she just make this easy and be a dispicable bitch?) and then it was just James Spader. Instead of letting people go with things they say, I push them to the verge of tears. I'm not trying to be evil or pop the zit, and rationally I know it's irresponsible since I'm not equipt to offer a full range of psycho-social services, but tonight I didn't even know I was pushing so hard until James Spader's face and voice changed and I recognized things coming from that bitter bile pit, beyond his usual triple-think and stuttering.
I want to be there for him, but I don't want to always be around him. Maybe I need more practice to be more comfortable, but I like my friends that feel comfortable. Is that lazy?

Need sleep NOW.