It's almost 6 AM and I've been up for hours. Migraine. Nasty one. I was supposed to go to my knitting group yesterday but my vision was all messed up from aura with whirling in my periphery and sparkles of dark matter straight ahead. That meant no driving, and the idea of getting on the noisy el sounded like puke in my face. I slept much of the day, occasionally waking up and being bored enough to take the blinding light of the computer over the empty total nothingness I felt. The computer provided enough distraction, while reading a book didn't zone me out enough to cover the pain. I had to give myself a shot again and it didn't really work. I hate that the most--coping with the needle and the blood for nothing. I'm out of the pill form of the ketorolac and Walgreens had to call it into my doctor and then it was pouring so I didn't feel like walking over and, once again, driving wasn't an option. I'll hopefully pick it up tomorrow and then I can be more aggressive with it. I just can't be aggressive with the shots, they wig me out too much to do two in a row or be dutiful about following up eight hours later when the first one did nothing.

I need to go back to biofeedback. I can't get my hands to warm up by relaxing anymore, which means my circulation is sucking and I'm not fully relaxing and that can't be helping the migraines.

I need to eat something more than cereal and bananas. I have plenty of frozen entrees and ingredients for nearly instant quesadillas and a pound of ground beef: all things I stock with being a migraine house prisoner in mind. I just don't feel like eating anything besides cereal. The nausea isn't as bad as it was a few years ago when I'd actually throw up with the headaches, but I have no appetite, just an awareness that I'm hungry and need to eat. Oddly, the one thing I feel like eating is Indian food but I don't have any of my instant Indian packets at the moment and I lack the ingredients and energy to make something from scratch. If I feel like shit tomorrow, I can walk over to the Pakistani-serving-mostly-Indian place around the corner from my house. It's not cheap, but my body really needs real food.

I need to clean my house. There isn't a tidy room in the whole fucking place. My living room is desperate for shelves. I think I want staggered floating shelves along my big blank wall.

I'm thinking of HDS, her mom, and her entire family.