I've finally found something that (at least temporarily) takes the edge off the pain!!! And while illegal, it's way easier and cheaper to get than any of my prescriptions! I had NBF get me some pot (see, I wasn't kidding last post) and apparently he owns a bowl, so I smoked all but two hits of the pot (very little...a bowlful, really) and now I'm finding it incresingly difficult to type...the typing's not that hard, actually, it's the editing and following what I'm typing that is giving me a lot of difficulty. Ok, so the real trouble seems to be with concentrating on the words. Also, I apparently go back and re-read the last bit of what I said over and over in my head until I know the next thing I am going to write, and if I don't like how it sounds I go back and delete it. Then I start typing the next thought while I'm reading it all "out loud" in my head (my whole hearing-versus-seeing thought process thing). Ok, now I'm stoned. Stoned seems to be the opposite of migraine: with stoned, I mainly notice it when I'm trying to concentrate on something and can't, but with migraine I notice most when I don't have something to distract me. Stoned is certainly distracting. I completely can't write what and how I'm thinking, at least not on computer. I'll hate to try by hand now. Yeesh, I'm going to see this tomorrow and be very annoyed with myself for writing like a fucking stoner when I'm such a square
nerd
ok can't keep thought in head long enough to complete sentences. Weird. I'm such a nerd. But I can only et down my thoughts if I type really fast and don't go back and look at what I've just written or try to think about it too much because as soon as my brain pauses I get lost and I can't go back and find it because as soon as I do I forget where I was and I can't get throught the whole sentence in a stretch to remember what I was trying to say the minute I go back and edit I'm repeating I know I'm repeatinmg can't type fast enough to keep up with brain but I know it's the typing that's all slow, not the brain that's any faster than usual. But it doesn't hurt! THat's all I've been trying to say but aparently I can't write when I'm stoned. How many times did I type that already? I'd go back and check, but I will then lose where I am now and I'll never get anywhere. I am such a nerd for writing this, such a nerd for thinking it, and such a nerd because I'm having so much trouble. Holy hell. Weird weird weird. I absolutely can't get down what I'm thinking into writing. I can't write. The thing that knocks out my migraine is the thing that knocks out what makes me most fundamentally me. That 70s show stoner "duuuuude" deep moment man. Aaaak! I'm done trying to write this. It's more frustrating (though not in that usual painful nagging way)
I can't deal with multiple clauses.
or my normal repetition thing
because I forget what the repetition was
before repeating it
ok but not that time
but mostly
why did I never try to write stoned before?
I always write when I'm drunk.
Sober, too, but that's the whole writer thing again.
Stoner writing.
I could write the way I write when I'm doing first-person-my-dog:
word
writing word
typing
I can type on page.
I have to rememberwhat I'm doing
bad last sentence.
because it didn't sound like dog.
Neither did that.
It just sounds like stooooopid.

Wasn't I going to stop typing this?
Yes.
Yes I was.
Hey! I asked a question AND answered it and then wrote a reaction to it! New record for length of thought!
Does that mean it's already wearing off?
Nah.
Ok, really now, Annabell (remembered my code-name, too!) stop writing. Stop. Writing. Right/write. Now.