like burning

I'm interviewing Important Family Guy Person on Monday for my freelance class. He's being great about it, and the interview itself should not be hard. Thing that is hard: rigging my tape recorder to record a conversation on my cell phone. The thing that connects the recorder to the phone was $25 and only available at Radio Shack, and now it turns out I need another piece to connect it to my phone because my phone doesn't have a normal headset plug thing. That's another $20. I feel like if I had basic magical powers, none of this would be a problem. I would also like very much to be able to instantly teleport places, because my hour commute to school is getting annoying, even if I'm only doing it three days a week.
Other reasons to teleport:

• trying to find a "good" shoe store for NBF today and driving all over creation looking for one
• friends living in other time zones

A few weeks ago in my wellness class my teacher brought in this thing to measure our body fat percentages so we could calculate our body's needed caloric intake. I'm 30% body fat. That's the cutoff between average and overweight. Fuck. I'm fat. I'm still trying to get my mom's old Nordic Track up and running, since one of the pins doesn't fit where I need it to go so the cushiony things aren't up too high, and when I used it anyway, it tried to kill me by sending my flying. I also bought a scale that measures my body fat and hydration levels for under $9 at Target. I think the price was a mistake, since it was the only one of its kind and the models with fewer features cost more and the comparable scales were in the $25-$45 range. I win. Now I can obsess about my weight fat percentage at home! I'm 109 lbs. I don't want to go back to my scary 90 lb days, but something a bit healthier would be nice. Particularly if I can keep my boobs. Hear that, body? Less fat, same boobs. Deal.

Ooh, why is there a firetruck outside my apartment? Yoohoo! Firemen!
I'm starting the Firemen Appreciation Society. We will wear white flowing chemises and robes and hang out windows until firemen "rescue" us, and then we will "appreciate" them. Who's with me?

My Family Guy Live experience

IFGP*: Hi person with whom I have only a vague connection, I’m IFGP.
Me: Hi, IFGP, I’m Annabell. Thanks for going out of your way to get four tickets and arrange backstage stuff for us. Too bad I’m only using two of the tickets at the very last minute so you can’t do anything about it. I also molested your children and punched your grandmother.
IFGP: That’s ok. I will treat you like an old friend anyway. Let’s go hang out with the rest of the cast.
[Labyrinth scene from The Shining ensues, but replace shrubbery with graffiti-covered walls, Jack Nicholson with bored-looking usher, and add 35 years and a pot belly to the black guy trying to help]
IFGP: Hi, fellow famous/accomplished people. These are my friends, Annabell and Greg.
Famous/accomplished people: Hi, nice to meet you. We will continue milling about and poking at the food and booze provided for us.
Seth Green: Hi. I’m wondering who you are because you appear to be a full-grown adult female who is smaller than I am and without any obvious malformities, but I will just shake your hand and then size you up a lot from across the room.
Me: Nice to meet you. You are a very attractive full-grown adult male famous person and yet I can look you in the eye without staring up your nose. I will continue my air of disinterest while I name our 26 tiny sarcastic blue-eyed Jewy children in my head.
IFGP: So, Annabell, you’re a writer?
Me: Yes! And since I am clearly the most interesting person in this room and this is clearly a great opportunity for you to hear about me, I will proceed to talk about myself until it’s time to find our seats.
IFGP: That’s totally fine. I will say meaningful, insightful things at key points in your monologue.
Me: I knew someone who knew someone who wrote for this show at some point.
IFGP: I met the person you know! Small world!
Me: Indeed!
IFGP: Let me give you my business card so if you are ever in LA I can continue to provide you with fabulous experiences, and enjoy the show!
Me: Thank you!
[Greg and I find our seats, which are completely fantastic, and watch the show, which is completely fantastic. I realize I am the only female in the audience and osmosis causes me to grow a penis. After the show I text message IFGP about karaoke bars before we leave.]

*Important Family Guy Person. I don't know if I really have to conceal his identity, and obviously I used Seth Green's real name, but the important part to know about IFGP is that he does both writing and producing things and is extremely high up on the totem pole but isn't Seth MacFarlane, who was one of the only people actually eating anything from their giant spread and was extremely friendly as well.