Shooting Pain

I just gave myself my first shot of Ketorolac Tromethamine. Still woozy, but I can in fact see and was able to walk from my living room to my computer chair in my office, so the initial wave of "omigawd! bright lights! splotchy! can't stand!" already passed.

Yes, Virginia, I'm back to shooting up migraine meds. Different from the DHE I used to have to squeeze into my tummy fat. "Sub-Q" aka "subcutaneous. "That was a smaller needle but way worse since the injecting part was much slower and more concentrated. This is "IM" aka "intramuscular," so I stab it into my thigh quick like a dart and barely have to look at anything. It still took me several false wrist-flicking starts where something inside stopped me before I hit the skin, but in it went and so did the medicine and maybe I'll stop feeling like shit soon.

All day today I've been in pain and asleep with migraine dreams or needing to be asleep. I took my other new drug earlier, but it clearly didn't help as I still had to give myself the shot. Please please please let the shot break the cycle. The 21 month cycle that has me in all kinds of useless self-hating demi-stupor all the time.

I went to the Diamond Headache Clinic for the first time on Tuesday. My regular neurologist referred me to a specific doctor there as the expert on hormones and migraine, since my hormones are nuts and no one ever wants to let me near The Pill with my stroke risk crap. That's why I have all these new drugs. She (Diamond Headache Doc) also suggested I do biofeedback, which I hope to start ASAP, and if that doesn't work, my parents get to dogsit for a few days while I go in as an inpatient and they hopefully IV drip the hell out of the migraines until they stop coming back on a daily basis. Modern medicine may not have caught up with the "why" or the "how" of migraine, but it likes to beat migraine with sticks until it shuts up temporarily. Diamond wants to use more aggressive sticks, I'm all for it. Get me out of this hell. I'm not counting on it and I'll still have to live my life with the big constant question marks of functionality, but I'm getting desperate to live my life. I try to accept being incapacitated for days and make the most out of when I'm not, but it's so frustrating and it makes me feel like I'm failing myself and when I am doing ok I should be doing everything and when I'm in between or if I ever take time when I'm physically capable of being productive to enjoy things that aren't productive, there's this guilt that I'm wasting my few precious moments and I may not get them again.

What's a girl to do?

Fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it