Double-Time

I lied to Possible Boy about how far in advance I knew about the pumpkin carving last night. Not just him and not flat-out lied, but I came to the bar playing "What is this pumpkin carving?" even though it showed up on my Facebook events days ago and I'd been looking forward to it all week. Why did I blur this line? To downplay my exhuberance.
"Yippy skippy! Pumpkin carving is here at last!" Truer to my feelings, but far less socially acceptable. I imagine extremely prejudiced people go through similar double-takes before they speak; "I hate you because you're foreign" becomes "Stop taking jobs from hard-working 'Americans.'"

Tonight I am going to the symphony. With Possible Boy. I won tickets. I want it to be a date. I asked him in a date-like manner but last night I saw him and freaked out and was all panicy on the inside so I acted all casual and just friendsy on the outside. And he likes this OTHER girl, other than Other Girl, but he'll keep looking around the universe unless I make myself clear. Asking him to the symphony where it's just him and me and a concert was a big step for me, but I hide this shit and wig out a lot instead of just being open and honest and saying "This is how I feel." Instead I say weird things that fall out of my face.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIRDIE!!