My Family Guy Live experience

IFGP*: Hi person with whom I have only a vague connection, I’m IFGP.
Me: Hi, IFGP, I’m Annabell. Thanks for going out of your way to get four tickets and arrange backstage stuff for us. Too bad I’m only using two of the tickets at the very last minute so you can’t do anything about it. I also molested your children and punched your grandmother.
IFGP: That’s ok. I will treat you like an old friend anyway. Let’s go hang out with the rest of the cast.
[Labyrinth scene from The Shining ensues, but replace shrubbery with graffiti-covered walls, Jack Nicholson with bored-looking usher, and add 35 years and a pot belly to the black guy trying to help]
IFGP: Hi, fellow famous/accomplished people. These are my friends, Annabell and Greg.
Famous/accomplished people: Hi, nice to meet you. We will continue milling about and poking at the food and booze provided for us.
Seth Green: Hi. I’m wondering who you are because you appear to be a full-grown adult female who is smaller than I am and without any obvious malformities, but I will just shake your hand and then size you up a lot from across the room.
Me: Nice to meet you. You are a very attractive full-grown adult male famous person and yet I can look you in the eye without staring up your nose. I will continue my air of disinterest while I name our 26 tiny sarcastic blue-eyed Jewy children in my head.
IFGP: So, Annabell, you’re a writer?
Me: Yes! And since I am clearly the most interesting person in this room and this is clearly a great opportunity for you to hear about me, I will proceed to talk about myself until it’s time to find our seats.
IFGP: That’s totally fine. I will say meaningful, insightful things at key points in your monologue.
Me: I knew someone who knew someone who wrote for this show at some point.
IFGP: I met the person you know! Small world!
Me: Indeed!
IFGP: Let me give you my business card so if you are ever in LA I can continue to provide you with fabulous experiences, and enjoy the show!
Me: Thank you!
[Greg and I find our seats, which are completely fantastic, and watch the show, which is completely fantastic. I realize I am the only female in the audience and osmosis causes me to grow a penis. After the show I text message IFGP about karaoke bars before we leave.]

*Important Family Guy Person. I don't know if I really have to conceal his identity, and obviously I used Seth Green's real name, but the important part to know about IFGP is that he does both writing and producing things and is extremely high up on the totem pole but isn't Seth MacFarlane, who was one of the only people actually eating anything from their giant spread and was extremely friendly as well.