Thank you to all of my friends who have been there through the fits of Annabell's Dark Twin. I love you guys.Last night I subjected NBF to Crying Self-Hating Annabell. We are at that point in our friendship when I try to scare him off by showing him all the ugliest versions of me. It's like I get to a certain level of closeness with a person and then I freak out and get antagonistic because I don't think I'm worthy of such friendships, but then the more the person doesn't mind my terrible horribleness the more I get clingy because they are clearly fabulous and antagonistic because I clearly don't deserve them. It's ridiculous. I hate myself for not liking myself better. How stupid is that? And then I get even more mad at myself because I know it's stupid so I should be able to stop it but I can't. If this friend person is a Boy it gets even worse. I'm too much a head-case to be this much a heart-case. I end up a basket-case.
On the plus side, self-hatred is a good quality to have in a writer, particularly the women. Name me one successful female author without a solid dose of self-loathing.
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greetings from the depths of the ice storm. we have electricity, so the library is open... even though NOBODY CAN GET HERE.
thank you, mr. city manager.
i don't remember how to get through self-loathing things and be more functional. this probably means it requires drugs.
i love you. :)
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