Water Signs

I just had a very content wonderful day.

I woke up and felt ok, even after going to the theater with my family and then Indian food with my siblings late last night. I decided I'd work out in my building's exercise room, so I put on shorts, my sports bra, and a t-shirt and took Freud for a walk. We went past Neighbor Guy's new apartment and I figured I should stop by and say hi and see if he wanted to come with me later when I went on my antique boutique selling mission.

Thirteen hours later, Neighbor Guy and I parted ways while Possible Boy stuck around for another hour.

Possible Boy just happened to drop by Neighbor Guy's apartment soon after I arrived. My dog was totally well behaved at Neighbor Guy's place and only got growly when Neighbor Guy's dog tried to sniff him. The three humans sat on NG's floor and talked for hours. Then we decided we should go swimming at the beach, so Possible Boy ran home to get his trunks while NG and I walked to my condo and cooked. NG made some pasta thing that I couldn't eat because it was pasta, but I had the noodles in my cupboard and it got them fed. I fried up the shmancy no-nitrate uncured bacon my mom bought me at Whole Foods and made my brown sugar, cinnamon and butter goop for rice cakes and with apple sauce on the side I was a well-fed camper, too.

By the time we went to the beach, thunder and lightning and lifeguards chased everybody away. It poured for half of the two block walk back to my condo and we swam in the rain instead.

I keep saying that Neighbor Guy is like Dori the fish in Finding Nemo, so Neighbor Guy decided we had to watch Finding Nemo. Halfway through the movie, the rain stopped so we headed back to the beach and had a lovely time in the freezing cold water. Possible Boy didn't want to go all the way under because it was too cold. It took me forever, edging deeper and deeper, before I dunked myself completely. Lake Michigan. Ice cold. Very very cold. But fun. Neighbor Guy went right in. No second thought, just dove. Possible Boy wouldn't go much past his waist. Then as we were getting ready to go and Possible Boy was fully clothed, he went to put his shoes back on in the water so his feet wouldn't be all sandy. He laughed as he struggled to keep his balance on the first shoe, then promptly fell backwards completely in the water, shirt and towel and everything. He was amused and NG and I were cracking up and the whole thing was perfect and fabulous.

A huge fog cloud rolled in over everything as we left. It was beautiful. Neighbor Guy told a little girl to look out for the monsters that come out of the fog.

Back at my house we filled the jacuzzi tub and moved Finding Nemo to my laptop so we could watch it from the tub. Wet clothes and towels all went into the dryer, except Possible Boy and my bathing suits as we plunked down sideways in the jacuzzi. I'm 4'11", so I can comfortably fit my whole body across just the width of the tub. Possible Boy is 5'11", so his legs hung over the side. Neighbor Guy wasn't invited to be in the tub because he'd put everything in the dryer and was wandering around in a towel and naked Neighbor Guy would have been awkward in this situation.

After Nemo I went to put on dry clothes and Neighbor Guy had Les Miserables started back in the living room before I had a chance to clasp my bra. Possible Boy went home because he is not the youngest of a gazillion (I think the real number is like 17) children and values time spent alone. Neighbor Guy, not so much. But I wasn't going to kick him out because I know it's good for me now and again and I'd already shot the day for productivity. By the time the French Revolution began, Possible Boy texted me that he was back out and at the bar if we felt like coming out. I didn't feel like watching the movie in the first place and spent most of it eating and then playing with makeup and dolling myself up in my cherry dress and being ridiculous. The movie ended and we went to the bar. I drank water. Other Girl was there. Possible Boy still clearly likes Other Girl, but according to Neighbor Guy, that's over and didn't work out, whatever that means and assuming he has any idea what he's talking about. But Other Girl left and then Neighbor Guy left and I got to talk to Possible Boy alone for a bit until we decided to call it a night and went our separate ways and now I'm in a bit of a mental and emotional frenzy.

Possible Boy is fabulous human being. I definitely like him as a person. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about him beyond that. Sometimes I get tingly. Sometimes it's totally non-tingly. Most of the time I'm stupid around him and fighting my head and the crazy and reality and shoulds and shouldn'ts and not knowing what I feel because I'm so stuck in what makes sense and doesn't and I don't know what I want or really want or something. Maybe all the drugs I'm on have my feelings muted so I can't hear my heart to know what to follow. Or maybe I'm freezing up at the signs of a real possibility. Whatever the reason, we're totally socially awkward with one another and act like sixth graders when anything even remotely boy-girl related comes up: our forcefields go up, we stare at the floor, we act like two people who don't know what sex is for the sake of innocence and terror. How do I get over that? I need a sign that he's really truly interested. I need a sense that I'm really truly interested. And then I need to stop being a chickenshit but not scare him either. How do I do that? Hellllllllllllllp!