I'm going over to Possible Boy's house to talk. I don't know what I'm going to say or what I think I want to hear, I just know I'm churning up dark things inside that can't be allowed to continue. These are my friends. Letting them know what's bothering me so they can be there for me is a big part of friendship. I'm much better at monologuing into the general cosmos and waiting for someone to pick up on it, which may be why I also take stab-in-the-dark guesses at what other people are really thinking or feeling when they pause too long on a name or touch an object a certain way.
I need to talk to Aural Girl, too, but I think seperately from Possible Boy.

When I'm playing a game or writing something or fixing a picture in Photoshop and I mess up or don't like the way it's going, I start over. Wipe the slate clean and start fresh. I have that impulse with chunks of my real life, too. All of my papers and filing crap, I just want to restart and have everything that's everywhere right now go away. I want some sort of  reboot on my doctors and medications. Another one for my vintage/antique inventory, now that I'm finally getting a sense of what sells and how to sell it.
I guess I try to start things over a lot. I think of how many jobs I've had, things get too tangled and I get too frazzled and all I can do is curl up into a ball and run away.
Is that so terrible? I know it should be. Put that on the list of Terrible Things I Do along with forgetting to pay bills, being jealous of my friends, and punching old people.*
When I can't feel and think the things I want to feel and think, I get very upset with myself. Control. Should. Get me out of here.

*(I don't really punch old people)