Mourning morning*

Didn't finish the transcript but I'd accepted that pretty early on yesterday when I realized there was about an hour more of tape after I finished the first hour. 10 pages typed single-spaced of raw transcription. Still feels like the thing to do, and I'll try to get it done in the next few days, but it was too much. Him came with me grocery shopping and hung out until I kicked him out so I could go to bed. For as much as I like being alone and purposefully didn't see my parents yesterday, it was nice having someone around, particularly someone I've known forever and am comfortable being smelly and mopey around.

Now I'm off to the funeral service thing. My legs are gross from picking at old razor burn (why is it so comforting to pick at scabs when one is upset?) but I showered, and that's more than Jewish mourning guidelines expect, so fuck shaving and makeup and such. One of the really Jewy things to do is tear the garment you're wearing when the person dies and basically wear it for the next week. My family doesn't do that, but I was wearing a wifebeater with holes in it when my parents called and it just seemed appropriate, so I ripped out a piece of it and have been wearing it safety-pinned to the inside of my clothes. Ritual can be very comforting and I like having grief-guidelines, since it's pretty easy to get lost in ones own head. My family (particularly my sister) would make fun of me, but I'm entitled.

Ok, walking the dog and leaving now.

*I'm grieving here; let me have my pun.