Fair trade

Who wants to trade bodies?* The brain is acting up again. I probably had too much caffeine over the weekend, but the headache was looming then and there were things I needed to do. Still are things I need to do, but today my body didn't give me any options. I've only managed about 6 hours of consciousness (not counting time I spent lying awake in the dark unable to do anything) all day.

The dog woke me up at 6 AM yesterday, which was very annoying since I had to get up around 7 anyway. Him got to my apartment early with all necessary directions, coffee and an Egg McMuffin (he'd paid attention last time). I was in a complete daze as we drove to get the truck. We missed the first turn from the truck place to my grandfather's former apartment, but knowing the basics of the area and directions and street names I was able to get us there almost as quickly as the the original directions would have been. Him was completely stunned when we made it, as he had no faith in my abilities and wanted to backtrack to the streets we were "supposed" to be on from the start. I was extremely pleased with myself.

My grandfather had been doling his stuff out for years, so there wasn't that much left to go over after he died. It was mostly new stuff that had been bought for his apartment here, anyway, so I got his microwave and toaster oven. On Tuesday I'd finally gone to look over what was in his apartment to see if there was anything else I wanted. He was extremely anal about certain things, so everything was labeled and stashed neatly. I found a box that said "Old Camera: non-digital" and contained an old Nikon with three lenses and a flash. I have no clue how to use it, but I'm very excited to learn. Maybe I'll take a photography class at Nameless College (assuming I eventually get in and go there). My parents had a similar camera when I was growing up, so I'm sure they can show me some basics, plus FF is apparently starting at Nameless in the fall for photography and offered to help me figure things out. The other major exciting find for me was a Dremel. I have wanted one of these since I first used one in my metalsmithing class at camp almost 10 years ago. What can I say, I love SpikeTV and Lifetime, power tools and knitting.

When it came to actually moving my grandfather's couch and other stuff around, Him and my father were both in type-A personality super-opinionated mode. I was still exhausted and just wanted to curl up into a corner while they tried to boss eachother around, though I'll admit they ended up being very efficient at moving crap into vehicles and we were on our way with time to spare. Back at Him's apartment his friends (who were extremely cool) showed up and the couch was in and I was dropped off at my apartment in time to shower and get ready to meet my cousins.

I'd seen the ads for one of Chicago's street festivals that was right between where my cousins just moved (the ones on my dad's side) and my apartment, so we made plans to meet. We met. It was very hot and I was very tired, but it was still fun hanging out with the cousins like we were actually adults. I hadn't done that with these cousins yet.

By the time I got home, I was a zombie. I napped and wasted time and watched TV until I went to bed. I drugged myself because I knew the migraine was coming, but apparently it wasn't enough. I'm being stingy right now with my drugs because my current short-term health insurance has a crazy-high deductible so I'm paying for everything out of pocket. This Starbucks thing better pan out (or, for that matter, not) quickly so I can figure out what to do about insurance after my current thing stops at the end of September.


*People with serious, incurable diseases need not apply.

zip zap zop

My bathroom's been taken over* by these little annoying flying bugs that hang around the light and shower. You'd think they'd be more interested in the dirty dishes in my sink, but no, they seem to like the bathroom. I got fly paper and it's helping some but I don't think the flies are actually attracted to it so much as they accidentally run into it, so a number are still zipping around. I need to do the cleaning service thing again, anyway. My apartment is bad and embarrassing again. My friend I've known since first grade and his new woman helped me carry in my groceries last night (they were my surprise plans) and I couldn't believe I allowed them past my front door. I'm such a fucking pig. I also did something unbelievably stupid and left my car with the flashers on and the windows down in the driveway thing by my front door for several hours. I parked it there "temporarily" to make taking in the groceries easier, then got distracted by company and trying to get ready to go out while they waited and my dog barked his brains out, and completely forgot about the car until we left the bar and started walking back. By some miracle, my car was exactly how and where I'd left it without a ticket or angry neighbors. The second miracle occurred when there was a parking spot within a block so I didn't get stuck driving around drunk enough that I didn't want to be driving around.

Today was my acting improv class. Last one of the first session. We had a sub again (we've had subs as often as we've had our regular teacher) and I was completely exhausted coming in, but it turned out to be a great class. At the very end (and running almost an hour longer than the scheduled class ending time) we did some actual scenes. I have to say, I'm a huge fan of improvising but not trying to make it funny. It's like writing with instant-gratification, or playing pretend as a grown-up. I even did a two-person scene with BB in which he wasn't completely clueless/horrific. He listened and we were able to play off eachother. Actually, the whole non-comedic improvising thing reminded me a lot of the thing I actually enjoyed with the phone sex job**. You get to make shit up and it's all sink or swim and you get to completely explore yourself as a different person.

After class I went for food with just a small handful of classmates. SUC had to go to work, but Mr. Aluminum, The Model, and another female from the class were all going to some concert later so we stopped for food first. I'd like to point out how this whole code-naming thing really lends itself well to labeling people. I'm boiling all these people down to just what they do for a living for name convenience sake, though I suppose it's better to be "The Model" than, say, "BB." The female without an obvious code-name told a fabulous story about why she's no longer a vegetarian. Basically, she was scuba diving and looking at all the beautiful fish and coral and everything when a red snapper (I hope I have that right) swam by and her most basic gut instinct was "Mmmm...that looks delicious!" She told the story better, but I think it's fantastic. Maybe I'll call her "FF" from now on for "Fish Food." That will have to do unless she requests otherwise (she asked for my blog address, so theoretically she could demand a different name). Anyway, it was a great group to go out with. A lot of the others in the class are fun, but this particular bunch is all people who listen and seem to actually pay attention to one another. Maybe it's just that they're on the older end of the class spectrum (meaning not late teens and early 20s...I was the baby of the bunch at 24, and I think Mr. Aluminum was the oldest at the ancient age of 42). Maybe the heat and humidity just had us all toned down. Whatever it was, it was lovely.

Him is picking me up tomorrow morning at 8 AM to move my grandfather's couch to Him's apartment. The logistics and everything of moving this stupid couch served as a bit of a catalyst for me to blow up at Him over his being clingy and needy lately. Perhaps I'm a terrible horrible person/friend for not being there 100% for him during his "hour of need," but holy shit, I am a person who needs space and has trouble saying "no" to favor-seeking friends if I'm physically capable of doing said favor. I've gotten much better since high school, but I still end up feeling some combination of strangled and taken advantage of (college friends may recall this coming to a head with my car freshman year), particularly when I feel someone is monopolizing my time. It's taken me a number of days to actually unwind and unravel enough to put things back into perspective and remember that I'm not actually a hermit or a bitch sufficiently to write about this in here. I also really don't want to hurt/piss off Him, since it's not that I hate him or think he's a terrible person or friend or anything. Situational frustration. Hopefully I haven't hurt/pissed him off too much in the last few days as now I'm happy to move on and be friends, particularly now that I can see and deal with what bothered me so much in the first place.

My dog is being weird and whiny and clingy and he hacked up a bunch of clear liquid shit earlier today. I need to call the vet, anyway, for annual shots and heartworm preventive refills. Dogs are expensive. I need a job.


*I exaggerate. No swarm or anything. There's a handful of them and they are very annoying.
**If you don't know what I'm talking about here, ask. I'm not going into it now.

pudding

A little bit drunk and chocolate pudding is the greatest thing ever. EVER. EVER!!!

Quality time with quality people

Last night I went to a random martini bar by E's house. It's nice that the Token Female Friend thing is mutual. We have fun. We rant. We drink girly drinks and complain about boys. It's quality.

Then this morning (I was actually on the El before 8:30 AM) I went for coffee with a friend from high school I hadn't seen in at least six years. It's nice when people you liked before change and grow up into people you like still/again.

I'm in cracked-out manic mode. I slept like 5 hours last night and didn't nap today but I drank about 2-3 cups of coffee in the morning and I'm still all squirrelly. Ooh, and the phone just rang with plans. I am too popular for my own good.

Moldau-licious

The Moldau (just the first section/theme) is in my head like it should be playing as the background music to a montage of great changes to come in my near future.

It still baffles me that some (maybe even most) people don't have constant soundtracks in their heads.

I drink alone

Right now, I'm drinking alone. I'm out of juice (I need to go to the grocery store) but was craving it badly. The closest thing in my fridge were these Peels things I got because I liked the idea of real juice with booze in it. The strawberry passion fruit flavor still tastes like fake wine cooler, but it's juicy enough to satisfy my craving. So I drink alone.

That's it, I'm buying flypaper.

A fly went by

I don't know why I ever bothered trying to buy toys and things for my dog, all he ever needed was a fly on the loose. Hours of entertainment. It's kind of amazing. Back and forth and back and forth and jumpig and biting and growling. I'd kill it, but I don't want to take away the dog's play thing.

shine on

Thursday morning I'm meeting a friend I haven't seen or heard from since high school for coffee. Crazy. MySpace is very good for things like that. He found me.

I am a person who needs space. I realize this more and more. I like social stuff, but it wears me out and then I need quite alone time to recover. When you're being social you have to watch what you say and do. I much prefer to be able to drink from the orange juice carton and not have to monitor what I think and feel for fear it might hurt/offend someone. Maybe that's selfish, but I prefer selfish and honest to fake and shiny.

weekend

BB’s not understanding my less than subtle “I AM NOT INTERESTED” cues makes more sense now that I see how completely oblivious he is to other people’s social and emotional states of being. We did more stuff that required mirroring things like “happy” and “sad” and he just can’t do it. It’s like he doesn’t bother to listen and just chooses what he’s going to do at random. Fucking annoying.

After my class on Saturday I went to see an apartment for my New Best Friend (NBF). I’ve never actually met NBF, but he’s the long-time friend of Birdie’s older sister and lived with them for awhile and is moving to Chicago to go to law school so Birdie offered my services as a Chicagoan and I’ve made his apartment a sort of project for myself. The apartment was quite nice and actually reminded me a lot of my own only half a block from park and beach on the lakefront and a whole lot cheaper, but it’s in East Rogers Park, which is way the hell north (almost to Skokie) and is still a bit gritty for a little blonde girl to run around with her dog at night. Like the beach and park thing is gorgeous, but the benches are all taken by homeless people, even on a Saturday afternoon. I’m reasonably “street savvy” and know how to handle all of the “Hey sweetie, over here” comments (the polite ignore), but I’d rather not have to do that constantly every time I want to walk my dog. Not to mention my dog might try to attack them, which wouldn’t be very nice at all.

I spent a long time on Friday and Sunday at my parents’ house trying to fix their stupid computer. It was completely infected with spyware to the point that we ended up having to reinstall the entire operating system. Many, many hours on the phone with tech support.
My friend I’ve known since 1st grade (we’ll call him “Red” for now) came over for dinner Friday night. I cooked, since my parents were just getting back from their cute vacation together on the east coast. They make me a little bit want to throw up with how cute they are sometimes. Not that I’m complaining…I appreciate having parents with a happy marriage, but still, very high puke factor. After dinner, Red and I went to the only bar in my parents’ suburb. It was unbelievably lame, but nice to hang out with him. Then Sunday night Him came with me out to the parents’ and hung out and ate dinner and played poker with my family. He’s very much like another sibling. It’s weird. My sister was saying how, even though she hadn’t seen Him for like 7 years it just felt like another brother was around. I spent much of the time on the computer and phone fixing the fucking spyware shit, but I wasn’t too concerned about Him feeling awkward being left to fend for himself with my parents.

I had a job interview today that went very well, and while I don’t want to jinx things, I’m pretty sure I’ll be a barrista by August. Splendid.

I haven’t seen E in forever. I should call her, but she has a job now, so perhaps this weekend…

Yeesh. I am very tired all of the sudden. Food coma, I guess.

Seven Singing Samurai Tour a College

Just watched what might be the greatest movie I've ever seen: Seven Samurai. Holy shit. Were it not over 3 hours long and the kind of thing I tend to like a whole lot better than my friends*, I'd tell you to watch it right now.

Did the Nameless College tour and interview today. They don't have dorms so much as gorgeous spacious apartments with views of Grant Park and the lakefront. Too bad I have the dog and no desire to live with kids younger than my former campers in alcohol-free buildings. Otherwise, the interview really only answered one of my questions (who I should get to write my recommendation) as everything else needs to be answered by either a "transcript transfer evaluator" or someone who knows the creative non-fiction department. I already left voice mails for those people, but perhaps I'll email them tomorrow if I don't hear anything. Nameless is big on teaching a craft instead of general mental masturbation. My former four-year institution was a mental-masturbation vat. It's what I thought I wanted seven years ago, and I'm glad I got some of that, but four years of it was just too much. I needed a reason to be writing yet another 12 page paper on something completely irrelevant besides "to get credit for the class." Nameless seems much more focused on teaching you how to do and market your art in a real-world setting. How refreshing.

I'm feeling much better today than I felt yesterday, though I was pretty worn out by the time I got home around 3 and never quite recovered, even after a two hour nap and a roast beef sandwich from the place I like by my el stop. I also made a pit stop at the big huge amazing main branch of the Chicago Public Library. That place is incredible and beautiful and amazing. They have a whole section of librettos to musicals that I'd been meaning to check out. I think having Seussical stuck in my head for a week was sufficient inspiration, especially since I still very much want to write a musical. There are a few ideas still floating around in my head, but the one that I think I'd have the easiest time both actually writing and eventually selling required me to find The Music Man libretto, which I did. So Personwithwhomistillintendtowriteamusicalthatdoesntcompletelysuck: it's coming.

I still taste like the onions that were on my sandwich at lunch. Stupid onions.

*Than my friends like it. Not that I like the movie better than I like you, though that's probably also true because you smell.

meat

There isn't enough red meat in this world to keep me from getting anemic. Thank you to Him for bringing me a double cheeseburger in my hour of need. I was pretty useless/flaky/pathetic. The head's doing better but the uterus continues to misbehave. Hopefully it will have calmed down by my tour and interview tomorrow. I should really write down my bazillion questions so I don't forget to ask any of them. I will do that now.

Two against one

So much pain...the uterus and the brain are alternately kicking my ass. Computer screen is too bright for me to look at much now. Earlier when it was mostly the uterus doing the kicking I was actually quite productive, making a number of phone calls and scheduling an interview and tour for tomorrow at Nameless College. At least the dog has been really good and sweet. I just made and drank some coffee to try to cut through the unbearableness of the current wave of brain pressure, but I'm guesing the weather's about to break and that's what's making it so bad. Kind of funny in a doesn't feel funny right now but would be funny from any other perspective: I'm writing this almost completely without looking at the computer. I'm stitting here with my hed turned the other way. It just hurts too much to look at the screen but not blogging right now isn't the obviously better option. Coffee's going to piss off the uterus more, but anything for a little quiet from the head. Stupid stupid body. Maybe I can read. I'm just sick of sleeping and staring at the wall. The wall is boring. I need to hang up my artwork or something.

Baaaaaby Beluuuuuuga

Sing it, Raffi!
Baby beluga born at Shedd!


Let's hope he makes it, as he's pretty damn cute.

hatehatehate

Stupid weather + time of the month. Ouchy. Again. Been pretty useless today. Crazy dreams. You probably showed up in them at some point or other. I hate this.

Note to self

When you’re too tired to go out, don’t. You end up making lousy company.

long days

Yesterday, I was the Pie Fairy. I made three beautiful strueberry-blawberry pies and then drove them to both of my cousins who now live in Chicago and saved the third to give to Him when I return his drill. My one cousin and cousin-in-law who just moved here have and absolutely gorgeous incredible place. It's kind of ridiculous, especially considering right now neither of them are making much money, but I guess he used to be an investment banker so they probably still have a bit of savings.

Last night was fun. It's always nice when my sister and I are able to get along and have fun together. She no longer likes my dog because he nipped her elbow last weekend when she was in "his" spot, so she made me lock him up the whole time she was around. I wish he could be as sweet for everyone else as he is for me, but sister unfortunately trumps dog so he spent the night in his crate in the kitchen and she spent the night taking up 3/4 of my bed.
Weirdest thing of the night: at one of the bars, a bunch of people came in handing out McDonalds coupons and pseudo-vintage t-shirts with Mayor McCheese on them taking pictures and video of us young partying folk. I've seen people do that sort of promotional thing at bars before for, say, an alcoholic beverage, but McDonalds? Sorry, still not "lovin' it."

This morning we were both randomly wide awake by 10 AM and went to Ann Sathers for breakfast. Much deliciousness followed. Then I threw her out and showered and headed to my improv class. I had a Sliding Doors moment when, after taking the stairs up to the platform two at a time and running my little brains out, the El doors closed before I could get a hand or foot in to stop them. My banging did no good as it drove off. Very annoying.

Class itself was much fun, though the last exercise we did proved the suckiness of some of my classmates. The instructions were simple: two people per scene, one starts off as the cab driver and sets some sort of persona (sad person, angry person, ditzy person, or whatever), the other then enters the scene as the passenger and mirrors the driver's persona. The point of the exercise was to be able to give take cues to and from others and mimic personalities. Now I'm not some great brilliant improviser and I don't expect my classmates to be, either, but if the person being the driver is acting obviously sad, you should not then take on your own random angry personality because that is what you feel like doing. The point is to listen and copy. Three of my nine classmates just reacted as some random character. BB was the worst, taking on the exact opposite persona of his "driver." Our instructor actually stopped him, suggested that he look and see the driver's body language and listen to how happy-go-lucky and bubbly she was being, and then had them continue the scene. BB didn't change a single thing. Dumbass. After class as I was listening to my voice mail he kept saying (pretend to himself) "Ugh, it's so frustrating. I'm so torn." When I didn't take the bait and ask what was so frustrating he continued anyway, "I can't decide if I should sign up for the next session since I already know I have to miss the first class and I'd hate to miss the first class." I continued ignoring the bait, so he continued adding more to the cornily metaphoric hook. "I mean, I guess I already know the other classmates, but it's a new teacher."
"Yup," was the most he got out of me. I don't like worms*. So he went and found another classmate and started the same exact dance over again! "Ugh, it's so frustrating."
I feel bad, since it's not like he's a terrible person or anything (as far as I can tell) but he's completely oblivious and I fucking hate that.

Seven of the ten people in my class (of the three who didn't come, one's the homophobic kid who spends most of his time complaining about "Emos," one lives in Michigan and has been terrified of missing her train ever since she got stuck in Kalamazoo a few weeks ago, and BB went home at the last minute) ended up going out to eat at this shmancy Mexicanesque place. It was fun but I spent too much money. Oh well.

Ran home to walk the dog with just enough time to run back out to go see Seussical with my cousin and cousin-in-law (yay comp tickets). After waiting a solid 30 minutes for the bus from my El stop to the theatre, I hailed a cab with minutes until the thing was supposed to start and put the $7 on my credit card since I'd blown my cash at dinner. I justify spending the money by reminding myself I didn't have to pay anything for the tickets. I ended up liking Seussical way more than I expected to. It was lots of fun, the music was catchy, and there were some excellent people playing most of the leads. The costumes and stage design alone were worth the $7 cab fare.

All in all, good times, spent too much money, need to be asleep now.


*Bad joke on the bait metaphor. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Drunk and with the sister. Weird but entertaining. Yay entertaining.

don't panic

I was just cleaning out my fridge and went into panic attack mode. Haven't done that in ages. It's very strange. I'm out of paper towels and didn't realize it so I had to use a sponge (sponges tend to freak me out with the spreading around dirt thang) and something about the sponge and the ickiness of the bottom of my fridge and its proximity to my food set me off. I'm not full-fledged hyperventilating or anything, but still. Fucked up.

A goodly portion of my bestest college buds are all sharing a room at a wedding this weekend. Not being invited to the wedding made perfect sense as it'd been like two years since last I'd seen or communicated with this couple and even then we weren't that close, but I am a little jealous of everybody getting to see eachother under positive circumstances. Then again, three of the five people sharing the room made up a rather dramatic love triangle a few years back and I've seen all but one of them in the last month, so perhaps it's better that I'm not there.

My sister and I are going out tonight and she's spending the night here, so I need to finish tidying up so she doesn't yell at me too loudly. Would help if the panic thing quieted down a bit first...

Master of Introductions

"There are masters, there are champions. Welcome to Master of Champions!"
That was the actual introduction to the ABC show. Had to share.

long survey thing I got from E

Time Started: 2:43 PM
Full Name: Annabell Jo Singer*
Single or Taken: single
Happy about that?: sometimes
Sex: female
*FAVORITES*
Kind of pants: pajama
Number: 13
Animal: lizard
Drink: tequila sunrise
Month: May-ish
Juice: pine-orange banana
Breakfast: Egg McMuffin (yes, I know it's gross)
Favorite cartoon character: Beast or Tarzan
*Have You Ever...*
Have you ever given anyone a bath? probably
Smoked? pot, only twice ever
Make yourself throw-up? not on purpose, but yes
Gone skinny dipping: no
Eaten a dog: NO! But I've probably ingested enough fur to make an entire dog
Put your tongue on a frozen pole? no. poles are dirty.
Loved someone so much it made you cry? yes
Broken a bone: no
Played truth or dare: yes
Been in a physical fight: I used to wrestle
Been in a police car: no
Been on a plane: yes
Came close to dying: yes
Been in a hot tub: yes
Swam in the ocean: yes
Fallen asleep in school: so many times
Ran away: only to the space between the couch and the window
Broken someone's heart: yes
Cried when someone died: yes
Cried in school: yes. got me teased for years.
Fell off your chair: yes
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: no
Saved AIM conversations: not in years, but yes
Saved e-mails: I save all my emails. Yahoo has lots of storage space.
Made out with JUST a friend? yes
Used someone? yes
*What is...*
Your good luck charm? I used to carry around a jack of hearts and an Uno wild card I found on the street, but my wallet got stolen.
New fav. song? How new? Hey There Delilah, perhaps
What's your room like? filled with crap
Last thing you ate: Home Run Inn frozen four cheese pizza (I'm eating it RIGHT NOW)
What kind of shampoo do you use? John Frieda Sheer Blonde Volumizing
*Did you ever get..?*
Chicken pox: still have a scar
Sore Throat: yes
Stitches: no
Broken nose: no
*Do you.*
Like picnics? yes
Like school: not usually
*Who*

was the last person that called you? my sister

makes you smile the most out of your friends? many of them at different times in different ways.
Did you last yell at?: my sister
Last broke your heart: Sunny's family at the funeral.
Who's your loudest friend? Maybe Sunny and Birdie when they're together
Do you like filling these out? yes
Do you like yourself? yes
Do you get along with your family: usually
*Are You...*
Obsessive? yes
Compulsive? yes
*Final Questions*
What are you listening to right now? music in my head
What did you do yesterday? slept a lot and then went to my parents' house for dinner
Hated someone in your family? yes, but I also love them
Gotten any awards?: yes...violin, academics, and even 2nd grade t-ball...
Want to get married? probably
Good Driver: I'm a good driver in Chicago and a bad driver elsewhere because I continue to drive like I'm on Chicago. I've also learned to parallel park in spaces the exact same length as my car.
Have a lava lamp: no
How many remote controls are in your house? 2 or 3
Are you double jointed? no
What do you dream about? I could keep an entire blog of my dreamlife
Scary or Funny movies: funny
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Rootbeer or Dr. Pepper: cream soda
Skiing or Boarding: skiing, but cross-country
Summer or winter: summer
Silver or Gold: silver
Diamond or pearl: diamond
Sprite or 7up: Sprite
Coffee or tea: Coffee
Phone or in person: both
Indoor or outdoor: both
*Today did you...*
1. Talk to someone you liked: does the dog count?
2. Bought something: an Egg McMuffin
3. Get sick: no
4. Sing: yes
*Last person who....*
10. Slept in your bed: me
11. Saw/heard you cry: My mom
12. Made you cry: Sunny's family (with good reason)
13. Went to the movies with: My parents and Him
14. You went to the mall with: I can't even remember the last time I went to a mall
15. Said "I Love You" ? My mom
16. Ever been in a fight with your pet? constantly
17. Been to Vegas? no
18. Been to Mexico? years ago for a few hours
19. Been to Canada: yes
21. Do you have a crush on someone right now? Still more of a "person of interest" than a crush.
22. What book are you reading now: The Portable Dorothy Parker and Three By Annie Dillard
23. Best feeling in the world: hopefulness
24: Worst feeling in the world? loneliness
25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: I sleep with my dog, so if he eats a lot before bed, you could say so
26. What's under your bed: it rests on the floor
27. Favorite sport to watch: live: baseball, on TV: professional wrestling
28. Favorite Locations? The area right outside the ballroom at the end of Navy Pier at night, Interlochen, the aquarium, my bed
29. Piercing/Tattoos: 2/0
30. What are you most scared of right now: death
31. Who do you really hate? stupid people
32. Do you have a job: NO
33. Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with: John Stewart is bound to leave his wife one of these days...
35. Have you ever cried? are you kidding me?
36. Are you lonely right now: no
38. Song that's stuck in your head right now: Before that last question: AC/DC's Dirty Deeds, after that last question: Are you Lonesome Tonight
39 Ever played strip poker? yes
42. Have you ever been on radio/TV? yes
43. Have you ever been in a mosh-pit: yes
44. Ever liked someone, but thought they never noticed you?: yes
*Random*
Whats the first things you notice about the opposite sex? intelligence and smell
Your Favorite Food? steak
Do you smoke? no
Hair color? slightly reddish blonde
Are you too shy to ask someone out? Usually
Hugs or Kisses?: hugs
Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? butter and salted
Dogs or cats? dogs
Favorite Flower? roses. Yes, I know that's boring.
Have you ever fired a gun? squirt
Do you like to travel? yes
How many pillows do you sleep with? one
Who are you missing right now? so many people...stupid space-time continuum
Time You Finished This Survey: 3:29 PM

Praise for things

Why are Egg McMuffins so good? I had to get up this morning to move my car (stupid street cleaning required it gone by 9 AM) and magically woke up even before my alarm went off. I took the dog and made the most of being out at 8:30 AM and went to McDonalds for an Egg McMuffin. They're disgusting and just so unbelievably delicious. They're one of the only pork products I still don't pick off my food. I always intend to give the Canadian bacon to the dog and then remember how delicious it is and stop caring long enough to eat it. By the time I got back near my apartment, a few parking spaces had opened on the legal side of the street. It was the perfect errand and just. so. delicious.

Also delicious: my BikiniTouch trimmer thing. Remember when I was all mad that my first one didn't work and it cost more for shipping and handling to return it than it did to just buy a new one? I broke down last week and bought a new one. So glad that I did.
If you don't want TMI, skip the purple text:
I razor-burn like nobody's business, and don't get me started on my ingrown tendencies, but this thing actually trims the hair really close without any of the icky red bumps. Also, no uncomfortably spiky hair left behind and/or growing in later. And the level of precision is impressive; if one of these days I decide to be a human topiary and trim a monkey down there, I totally could.

Spinning

I was home this afternoon by 2. Spent most of the day on the computer and reading and sleeping and snuggling the dog. Him called when I was still in Indiana to see if I wanted to do something. HDS also clearly needs love and support right now, but if I don't take at least a day or so for myself to recover, I'm going to be no use to anyone. So friends who need me right now, I am sorry, but I need me. I'll be there (emotionally) as soon as I can.
I also have all this other crap I need to do that I put off first on account of my grandfather and then when I went off to Sunny's: turning in applications, getting letters of recommendation and setting up an interview for the college thing, making another appointment for the cleaning service to come (before it gets too bad again), actually putting E's birthday present together in a way that makes it more presentable*, transcribing the rest of my grandfather's life story, and I'm sure there are other things I need to do that aren't coming to mind right now.

*bad pun fully intended

Helping Helpers who Help the Helpless

The funeral was amazingly well done, I thought. They played his favorite music as we came in, integrated three songs (including one he wrote) into the service, had some of his best friends speak, and then Sunny and her youngest sister gave a really beautiful, well-written, well-spoken, non-corny speech. There wasn't a dry eye in the church. The first four rows of left-side pews were filled with his former soccer teammates. It was this amazing sea of green jerseys.

In the evening we went to this barbecue gathering with just the family and the friends of Sunny and her sisters. Sunny clearly needs her space from pretty much everyone except her boyfriend and Birdie. The trouble is, I was Birdie's means of transportation (and initially her lodging for tonight) so if she wanted Birdie she got me, too. I felt very superfluous and helpless. I was the gross black jellybeans that come in the mix. Can't get all the good flavors without the blacks, too. And (to continue my analogy), some people's favorites are the black ones; I actually ended up talking for a very long time to Sunny's dad, who declared me his temporary side-kick. My brand of half-witty half-witted ramblings seemed to be exactly what he wanted. I also really enjoyed talking to one of Sunny's cousins (is it completely inappropriate under the circumstances that I was "intrigued" by this guy?). I just wish I could be a different flavor for Sunny, but this is her story, not mine, so tomorrow I'll go home and if and when she needs or wants me to show up again I will.

When the hell did I get so emotionally healthy? Like all this is terribly sad and overwhelming and I'm not sure if I can handle my brother's latest big issue that's about to become mine starting this weekend, but that weird thing finally happened where I can know something in my head and feel it in my guts. They've stopped fighting so much. Sure, I still frequently feel differently than I think I should, but I've learned to accept what I do feel, see what I'd logically rather fee and why, and then (relatively) patiently wait until the things I feel are ready to change so that when I eventually get to that point, I can shift into the "better" feeling. I've always been able to recite this as a formula for emotional health, but now my guts are more receptive of the overall formula and each thought/feeling that gets pushed through it.
Fuck. I'm a self-help book.

a wake

Today I was at Sunny's younger brother's wake. He would've been 17 in September. Sunny had tears down her cheeks as she stood with her mother and smiled, receiving guests. The line was long and the rooms were packed from the time we arrived at 2 (when the wake was scheduled to begin) until we left after 4:30. The place that held the wake does a lot of "high-tech" memory stuff, including a website dedicated to the deceased individual with his or her "life story," information on the services, a guest book, video/slide show thing, and places to post memories and photos. There were computers set up at the wake for people to add things and see what others had added. I would totally post the link to Sunny's brother's page, but that whole anonymity thing has me in a safe-side compromise: this is the funeral home chain's site so you can see what I'm talking about without knowing the specific person or location. There were tons of photos and his old shirts and trophies and a really cute letter he'd written his mom when he was little (I couldn't actually read it as I started crying as soon as I realized what it was). There was food: cheese and crackers, fresh cherries, scotcheroos (apparently a favorite of the brother), brownies, and M&Ms cookies. I joked with Birdie (the code name I am giving one of my other college friends...the other female with whom I spent most of my time) that you could tell it wasn't a Jewish function because there wasn't a ton of food. Actually, I thought the food was perfect; some salty, some sweet, some fresh (as in the fruit), and all snacky and easy to eat while milling about. Every time I started to get teary (like when I first saw the body and when I first saw Sunny and when I watched Sunny's father's face melt with grief as he hugged one of his best friends*) I would bee-line it to the food. Gave me a chance to pull myself together a bit and think about something very mundane and present. There was also a "grief dog" who mostly wandered around the party staring at people's food, but I liked the idea.

There's so much more to say but I'm crashing. Quick things I do want to make sure I add: 1) HAPPY BIRTHDAY, E! 2) My wonderful $64 a night hotel has free Wi-Fi in the rooms, which is making my very happy and is how I am posting this right now. 3) I've decided to stay tomorrow night as well because Birdie's flight doesn't leave until Tuesday and most of the people she actually knows who aren't related to Sunny will be gone by tomorrow night. Also it de-complicates the issue of where and for how long Freud would need to be somewhere after check-out time during the funeral. 4) All of my reality friends need to fucking have** codenames already. I keep wanting to start into all these little side stories and notes about people, but then I realize I don't know what to call them for blog purposes and right now I don't have the energy to come up with anything so I'm just avoiding the stories about them instead of giving them names or trying to explain who they are. "The person who this coming weekend is marrying the freshman roommate of mygoodfriendwhovisitedbrieflyafewweeksagobutdoesnthaveacodenameyet." Case in point. So I say, if you are a person from my reality-life, COME UP WITH A CODENAME FOR YOURSELF, PLEASE!*** 5) When as I was leaving my improv class yesterday, BB stopped me to ask what I was doing this Wednesday. "I'm going to Kalamazoo for an indefinite period of time." Sounds like the most made-up excuse ever, but it was true. I thought that was funny.

Other things can wait or remain unwritten.


*I don't actually know if the guy was his friend or what, but that's just what it looked like and I'm too tired to craft that extra bit of information into the sentence.
**Does the word "fucking" pack more punch when it is splitting an infinitive?
***I put that text big because I want it to be read by even my friends who are the skimmiest of blogskimmers (not that I blame them at all for being skimmy).

Tomorrow I have my improv class and then I'm driving out to Kalamazoo. The wake is Sunday and the funeral is Monday. Found a dog-friendly hotel nearby that didn't have mostly horrible reviews on travelocity and hotels.com. I have great friends. I'm only a few hours away, but one friend is driving 7 hours and another is flying in from Nantucket. Good people. Glad I get to see them, though the circumstances are pure shit.

Further open dog correspondence

Dear Psycho-Mutt,

No, really, thank you for waking me up at 3 AM to let me know there's a rat or something making noise on the dumpster outside our window. Not that you wanted to go outside to fight it or relieve yourself (though again I made this silly assumption and again put on pants and got your leash while you stared at me like "what the hell is that for?"), you just wanted to let me know. Great. Now I know. Can we please go back to sleep?

Yours,
Annabell

Friends

Wake Sunday, funeral Monday. That's where I'll be. Let me know if you're coming as we can perhaps share a hotel room.

Went out with friends tonight. I should do that more often. I always feel better when I do. Thanks, friends.

Which is better: dog that is always itchy and chews on himself (legs and tail in particular) all the time, or dog that throws up. That seems to be my choice with the allergy medications and Everyone's Favorite Mutt.

It's been over 48 hours; my sun burn shouldn't still hurt this much. I'm not sure if it's better when I wear something soft with long sleeves or no shirt at all. Too bad I can't just sleep in a vat of vanilla pudding.

Superiority complex is harder to hide when I'm tipsy.

I need to go to sleep. I'm supposed to be at my parents' tomorrow by 10:30 AM to help my mom clean out my old room. Now that it doesn't feel like my room anyway, it should be much easier, though a large quantity of the junk in there is my sister's from when she cleaned her room and dumped all the extra crap in there.

Pity I own no chocolate.

Circle of life

One of my college friends (a certain crazy shabbos-luvin' Hasid, for those of you who know whom I'm talking about) just had a baby girl! Well, actually, his wife had the baby, but he's the daddy. Crazy. First of my friends to have a baby, but considering he's always wanted like 87 children, it's probably good that they're getting started. Too bad I can't post the even sweeter pictures of him with the baby on here, but I'm trying to maintain anonymity. Email me if you want the link.

scorched

Can't sleep. No surprise there. The sunburn is still quite sore and there are pleanty of really large things on my mind. I hate that there's nothing more I can do to make things better for Sunny and her family. She doesn't need/deserve this shit. Big, huge pile of shit. Maybe I need to become more of an existentialist.

found

They found the body. I have to figure out if and when I'm going up there. She lives less than 3 hours away and there are a number of hotels in the area that take dogs. Too much death.

pray?

Quality time with Him (who seems more and more like a brother or cousin) tonight, and then I came home to an email from a very close friend saying her brother went swimming in Lake Michigan today and didn't come back out and they've called off the search for the night but they'll start it up again in the morning. So while I tend not to believe in prayer, it can't hurt, and it's about all anyone can do right now. So choose your deity and do what you can. Please.

burn, baby, burn

"Why Annabell, what a lovely white shirt your are wearing."

"No, no, those are the lines from my new beautiful sunburn!"

Can anybody say ouch? I'll write the rest of the story later.

An open letter to my crazy dog

Dear Psycho-Mutt,

When you only poop and pee outside, agoraphobia is not an option.

Yesterday, when you were refusing to go out, I didn't care. I wasn't the one with a potentially full bladder, and the holiday fireworks were freaking you out. Fine. But when you woke me up at 2 AM (small miracle that it was for me to be asleep by that point), I was annoyed. Still, I accepted that you hadn't been out all day, so I put on my pants (oh, the things I do for you!) and tried to take you out. We got half-way out the door when you froze. Sure, there were still some firework pops and the occasional drunken reveler wandering down the block, but nothing too terrifying. I carried you out and plopped you near a tree. But would you take the leak you so obviously needed? No. Instead you bolted back as emphatically as your 17 lbs could towards the apartment.

At this point I was pretty ticked. I knew the odds of me falling back asleep any time soon were slim at best, but I crawled under the covers and tried to comfort you as you nuzzled in, shaking in terror.

This brings us to 5:30 AM. I had actually fallen back asleep. I was dreaming that I'd eaten spaghetti for breakfast at a dining hall and then been late to orchestra (which is odd, since I haven't been in orchestra since high school) when through my soporific haze I felt paws on my face. You whined and jumped and clawed at the door. Not surprising since you hadn't peed in a solid 15 hours. So again I put on my pants and, after much coaxing, got you out the front door.

And thank goodness I did! You were pooping and peeing up a storm the moment you hit the grass.

But here is where my real annoyance comes in: when, at this insanely early hour, after having to practically drag you outside, you expected to frolic and play and go on a full walk. Are you kidding me? It is 6 AM. I put on pants for you. I interrupted my sleep not once but twice during a single night! You are lucky I got up at all, as I've been known to sleep through entire dorm fire drills.

This behavior must stop. If it does not, I may be forced to litterbox train you, and that's only for sissy-ass dork dogs. Now get the fuck off my lap so I can go back to bed.

Yours,
Annabell

ice age

I need to light a fire under my butt, and not the kind that sets farts on fire. There are things I need to be doing (mostly finishing the job aplications I have and calling Nameless College) but I don't want to. They are boring and remind me of how shady my employment history looks on paper. I haven't kept a job for more than a year since my college Sunday school teacher gig. Perhaps I should have done one aplication at a time so I wouldn't burn out with them all half-done.

Yesterday Him humored me on my errands (including Joann Crafts, which if you know the way I get in craft stores, is very impressive) and then we ended up going to my parents' for dinner. Steak and corn out on the grill. Very 4th of July, and very unplanned. Have I mentioned lately how much I love steak? I love steak. We then went with my parents to see An Inconvenient Truth, which I thought was fantastic and not at all too long or boring. I tend to be extremely skeptical of pretty charts and graphs, particularly on trends that take literally eons to get the full, honest picture, but there's this one lovely graph:

So we may very well be due for an ice age upswing, but holy crap, that's a lot of CO2.

Ugh. I so don't want to do anything today.

current life goals

1. Meet a hot heterosexual fireman with a thing for Dorothy Parker
2. Get all my stuff into Nameless Chicago College by Friday at the latest
3. Beat this stupid headache that just keeps looming
4. Make my dog less crazy
5. Find a JOB
6. Sell my article
7. Hang out more regularly with friend people
8. Accept my own mortality