10 Things I Hate About Me

It's official: I'm ready to start school or something again. The freedom was nice for a bit, but now I'm losing it. With nothing to regularly force me out of the house and keep me occupied on a regular basis, the Vast Eternal Loneliness has kicked in. I spent much of last night crying at NBF and feeling unworthy of friendship and love. Good times. I still have a very hard time believing I am a likable person, and the constant paranoia that I'm just hanging around and annoying people and they don't really want to be my friends tends to loom long after they've proven otherwise. I guess I find myself annoying, stupid, tiresome, and not pretty or smooth enough to get away with it and still be liked. I want to like myself, but I don't know how without tons of really genuine, convincing external validation. It took a pair of highly judgmental, critical parents and a good 5-6 years of little kids constantly telling me I'm a piece of shit for it to really sink in, I just hope it doesn't take the rest of my life to believe otherwise.