mediocre vibrations

I want a device that will massage my neck for me with minimal effort on my part. Why are all "massagers" really built as vibrators and consequently not particularly useful for my neck muscles? My neck is not shaped like a vagina, it is shaped like a neck. If I wanted a vibrator, I would buy a vibrator. I ended up getting this thing for $20 at Target, and it's ok, but not great. I want something that will kneed my neck and shoulder muscles. A boyfriend would also work, but those are even harder to come by and require a bit more maintenance.

And to the anonymous suggestion that I try acupuncture: I absolutely hate needles, but I'm getting to the point where I'd be willing to try it. Particularly if this latest trend of feeling better doesn't continue, they can stab me with knives for all I care.