Hearty and Fantastick

Wine tasting party at Aural Girl's house, then to the bar with a heavy buzz.
Aural Girl makes an excellent co-conspirator. Everything feels like a nudge and a wink and an inside joke at the mild expense of the world.
Then she went home and I talked to Possible Boy about the pebbles grinding against the deepest parts of my heart--family, fear, self. I say things out loud that I barely know how to write, tears pouring down my cheeks.
I watch the Social Worker ebb and flow in his words and his eyes, I hear him profess the oaths of painters and poets, praising the inherent beauty of emotion and the expression and art of every life experience.
I want to hear the song that's in my heart sung by another person so I know I'm not alone. When another person starts singing it spontaneously, joy joy joy.
Now let me meditate on the song of your heart.
measured
I keep going back to The Fantasticks:

There is a curious paradox
That no one can explain.
Who understands the secret
Of the reaping of the grain?

Who understands why Spring is born
Out of Winter's laboring pain?
Or why we all must die a bit
Before we grow again.

I do not know the answer.
I merely know it's true.
I hurt them for that reason;
And myself a little bit, too.